Do you suffer from “If Only I had….” Syndrome?

Some people are very interesting – aren’t they? Throughout my life, I’ve been involved in the healthcare industry for over 15 years and this has given me a great insight into people.

Having grown up and studied in Malaysia, Singapore, UK and Australia, I met and befriended all kinds of people from eastern and western cultures. And they’ve had a diaspora of beliefs that confronted each other but often also coalesced in harmony.

Working as a doctor in hospitals in the UK and Australia, I treated them when they were sick and depressed and saw them heal and go home in good spirits. And then there were those that I could not help even with the best of medicine, and died with their families around them or sometimes alone. I witnessed their attitude to life in the best and worst of times.

When I moved into the business of biotech and pharmaceuticals, I saw the big picture of healthcare, how financials shape the world and how governments and businesses interact to create a ‘healthcare ecosystem’, which ultimately was also driven by people and their opinions.

In my time as a filmmaker and entrepreneur, I heard their stories and learnt how to tell theirs as well as my own. I developed a courage that I had not needed before, a courage to brave the world under my own ‘brand’, the wits in my head, the passion in my heart and the clothes on my back. No big brand like “Pfizer” to support me. And I saw a different side of people then.

And in all that time, I found that there are really only 2 kinds of people in this world.

This may seem very simplified, and yes we can shift between these two kinds of people, particularly in our 7 Areas of wellbeing, particularly areas such as Career and Finance.

Type V – People who believe that ‘the world happens to them’

Type H – People who believe that ‘they happen to the world’

What do I mean here?

Well the Type V as I call them, are the ones that suffer from “If only I had….” Syndrome. They are often ‘victims’ of how the world (other people, employers, God, natural disasters, family members, ex-husbands/wives, etc) has them wrong and their problems are always somebody else’s fault.

While they may be proactive in some areas of their life, such as their social life or physical wellbeing, they are often reactive and disempowered in others areas, such as with their business, work or money.

When they don’t get what they want in those areas of life, they often tend to say “ Ah, if only I had an investor, my business would be going great” or “if only I was better looking, someone would hire me” or “if only I had white skin, I would have more friends” or “if only I didn’t have this disease, my life would be great”.

For these Type V, there is always a reason why they did not get something and it was due to their own bad luck and there was nothing they could do about it (or at least they thought). Interestingly they may not have this attitude in all areas of their life, just in the areas they appear to have been unsuccessful in achieving their desires.

Then, there is the Type H, which are the ‘Heroes’. Type H are the masters of their own destiny. They are often very positive and successful in business and in life. They are happier (or at least appear to be), because no matter what disaster, tragedy or illness happens to them and knocks them down for a period of time, they find a way to bounce back.

They also get along better with others and do the best with whatever God has given them. These people aren’t better looking, they don’t necessarily have more money nor were they’re the best academically. They believed in how well they were, even when they were sick.

They just made the most of what they had, they believed in going out and getting what they wanted in life, despite the odds and making their business successful, no matter how dumb, ugly or ignorant the world thought they were.

I admired the Type H people. They were still human, and had the usual flaws of being perfectly human. And they are times when they got depressed and defeated through life’s challenges, but they have heart, and they are persistent in getting to their goals, especially if their goal is as simple as daily happiness.

Now I know that this may seem a little judgmental or even controversial, however it is just my own observation of people having worked across many careers, countries, cultures and organisations.

But here’s the secret…..

Being Type V or Type H is a choice.

We are not born this way nor were we made this way.

At some point in life, and in some areas of our life, we chose to be either Type V or Type H. And we can change at any time……

So, which one you rather be?

Have you met anyone with “if only I had…..”syndrome?

Have you ever heard of ‘DreamStorming’ to lift your mindset???

Brainstorming is an age-old exercise in the business world where a number of people get together and postulate various ideas on how to solve a business problem. It starts off with an immediate flurry of ideas which are at a later stage refined, analysed and implemented if considered appropriate.

This week, I came up with an exercise called Dreamstorming. I must confess it was not an original idea as one of my coaches, Sheevaun had shared this with me and all I did was give it a fancy name! In fact, this fancy name has also been used in different ways in the art of creative writing, but I felt it would be a good name for this mood-uplifting exercise.

However, I wish to use this term “Dreamstorming” in the context of business mindset. More specifically, I want you to use it to lift your mindset when you are feeling down, in the blues, when sales are poor or if you are generally having a shitty day!

This last week was a shitty week for me. My dad was in the initial stages of recovering from cardiac surgery when he had a lung collapse which had me concerned. I was hit with a viral illness followed by a bacterial illness which knocked me for six.
I was also exploring a new personal relationship with someone and the long distance was making it unworkable, and hence we decided to “just be friends”. In the mean time, I was also running my first webinar to help Health Business grow their profits, and whilst the turnout was good, it was less than the 1000 people I had wished for or expected.

As such, my mood was lower than usual and I was not feeling as positive as I normally am. In fact, I was downright depressed.

However, this “Dreamstorming” exercise changed my mindset and perked me up pretty quickly. In particular, it perked up my mindset about my work and got me closer in my usual flow. I also felt happier about what I was doing and felt ok about having a shitty day.

What to know how to do it? Here you go!

Objective:

This is a simple Positive Mind exercise, when you have experienced a failure or you are feeling down or dejected in your business. It will help reset your mind and energy into a positive force where anything is possible.

Instruction:

On separate pieces of paper or post it notes, write down 100 loud, ludicrous, crazy, statements of things that you want to happen in your business or your life right now. They can possibly even be unrealistic in your mind – though nothing is ever unrealistic.

Write them down in BIG, BOLD font. You can stick up these affirmations around your home or workplace, or throw them away after. The intention of them alone creates a powerful mindset shift (and they CAN ACTUALLY MATERIALISE).

Examples:

1. I want Richard Branson to hire me for 1 million dollars to do ……
2. I want 100 new clients to appear tomorrow on my doorstep……
3. I want to be invited to dinner by the Prime Minister of Australia to be asked for advice on ……
4. I want to be in joy with my work, every day of my life
5. Someone just paid me $100,000 to do a job that I can easily complete in a week!
6. I am surrounded by people I LOVE working with
7. I have the perfect business partner to appear and help me grow my business to $10mil a year in revenue
8. And so on……

Just let the writing flow. Once you are done, read through the list and sit in silence for a moment. Soak it in. Observe how you feel. You will notice a positive shift in your mood and mindset afterward.

Did it work for you? What affirmations did you write down in your Dreamstorming exercise?

The importance of taking time for yourself

Did you miss the opportunity to attend our live Master class with Irina Gladuschenko? Her incredibly informative and insightful session covered how to control our emotions and how they can help improve our relationships. IF you missed it or would like to see it again, the good news is we’ve made it available online. You can click on the link below to see the entire Master Class from start to finish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRXXJ3Uw7Qs


“The time you take for yourself daily is a must, not an option
By Avnesh Ratnanesan


These last ten days I have been on a speedy two part holiday which firstly took me back to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where I celebrated the birthdays of both my mother and father, who have their birthday’s one day apart. The second part involved a trip to Darwin in Australia’s Northern Territory, where I spent several days out in the natural wilderness of Kakadu, a World Heritage Site with wonderous animal and plant life.

The actual decision to take a long holiday was rather spur of the moment, I simply felt drawn to go away for a good while and to spend it with people and locations largely unrelated to my work.

My intuition, i.e. the sixth sense which arises from our Brow (Third Eye) Chakra knew that it was exactly what I needed and was clearly indicating to me that it was time to go away. I listened to my body, or if you like my ‘higher self’ or subconscious mind which was clearly instructing me in no uncertain terms. When I initially resisted the urge to go away and stay with work, I kept getting very uneasy sensations, so I gave in to my inner voice. And that was the right decision.

The change of Environmental energy (one of the 7 areas of the Energesse Wellness Wheel) gave me the time I needed to reflect on many important things, particularly what I really want in my life and whether what I was working on was getting me there. All too often we get stuck in the grind of doing what we think we want, and then several years later look back and say “Well, I’ve done it now….and I’m still not happy…… so what was my life all about?”

The fact is your body and its subtle energy system already know what you want. It is always speaking to you, it’s just that most people don’t listen to it – they have lost the ability to connect with themselves. A change of environment from the usual routine of daily life, allows for some major listening to happen, and some real breakthroughs to emerge about what you really want. It is also the most efficient and fastest way to get there – saving you years of time. Reconnecting with your inner self can actually help you be more productive for the rest of your life.

Pulitzer prize–winning writer John Updike, author of 51 books, attributes his astonishing productivity to a schedule that honors empty time. “Ideally,” he explains, “much of my day should be, in a strict sense, idle, for it is often in idle moments that real inspiration comes.” It allows you the time you need to reassess your life of maybe even acknowledge situations or people that are affecting you in ways that you are not initially aware of. So whether it is an hour writing in your journal or a backpacking trip to South America, simply taking the time to acknowledge the desires of your soul can create an abundance of opportunities in your life and maybe even lead you down a path you least expected!

Being GOOD vs. Being NICE

“Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that other people have of you is inauthentic living.”
― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

As I was sitting at a café on Saturday morning, psyching myself up for another day of writing a chapter in my book, I glanced at the daily paper. I do not spend too much time with newspapers these days as it is often filled with irrelevant negativity and I am prefer to get my news elsewhere. However, whilst sipping a cup of my favourite chamomile tea I came across an article interviewing a famous model.

She was quoted as saying “There’s a difference between being nice and good, I consider myself a good person. And I think people perceive me to be nice as in, ‘Oh, she’s nice,’ but being a good person, knowing your strengths and working towards those strengths, and encouraging those around you to do the same, that’s a good person. A nice person will sit back and go, ‘Oh yes, OK, no worries, yes.’ A nice person is a yes person, whereas a good person is a person who accepts their responsibility in things and moves forward. He or she constantly evolve and isn’t afraid to say no, challenge someone or be honest.”

Most people would expect such profound words from a model, but indeed her thoughts are backed by scientific research. The Psychology Foundation of Canada reports that one important aspect of your personal self-esteem is feeling that you have a “voice” ─ that you have the right to be listened to and heard in a way that helps you have some control over what happens in your life. When you speak up and stand up for yourself, you are, in effect, saying to yourself and the world, “I am a significant person whose ideas and words are worthy of respect.”

So you can be nice, but also be good – be good to your authentic self.

On Tuesday the 20th of August, we had our first ever live, online Energesse Masterclass on Discovering your Higher Purpose. Both Julian Noel, Higher Purpose consultant and I spoke about living your life’s purpose. We had an amazing turn out from around the world and if you would like to see it again, click here.