Do you suffer from “If Only I had….” Syndrome?

Some people are very interesting – aren’t they? Throughout my life, I’ve been involved in the healthcare industry for over 15 years and this has given me a great insight into people.

Having grown up and studied in Malaysia, Singapore, UK and Australia, I met and befriended all kinds of people from eastern and western cultures. And they’ve had a diaspora of beliefs that confronted each other but often also coalesced in harmony.

Working as a doctor in hospitals in the UK and Australia, I treated them when they were sick and depressed and saw them heal and go home in good spirits. And then there were those that I could not help even with the best of medicine, and died with their families around them or sometimes alone. I witnessed their attitude to life in the best and worst of times.

When I moved into the business of biotech and pharmaceuticals, I saw the big picture of healthcare, how financials shape the world and how governments and businesses interact to create a ‘healthcare ecosystem’, which ultimately was also driven by people and their opinions.

In my time as a filmmaker and entrepreneur, I heard their stories and learnt how to tell theirs as well as my own. I developed a courage that I had not needed before, a courage to brave the world under my own ‘brand’, the wits in my head, the passion in my heart and the clothes on my back. No big brand like “Pfizer” to support me. And I saw a different side of people then.

And in all that time, I found that there are really only 2 kinds of people in this world.

This may seem very simplified, and yes we can shift between these two kinds of people, particularly in our 7 Areas of wellbeing, particularly areas such as Career and Finance.

Type V – People who believe that ‘the world happens to them’

Type H – People who believe that ‘they happen to the world’

What do I mean here?

Well the Type V as I call them, are the ones that suffer from “If only I had….” Syndrome. They are often ‘victims’ of how the world (other people, employers, God, natural disasters, family members, ex-husbands/wives, etc) has them wrong and their problems are always somebody else’s fault.

While they may be proactive in some areas of their life, such as their social life or physical wellbeing, they are often reactive and disempowered in others areas, such as with their business, work or money.

When they don’t get what they want in those areas of life, they often tend to say “ Ah, if only I had an investor, my business would be going great” or “if only I was better looking, someone would hire me” or “if only I had white skin, I would have more friends” or “if only I didn’t have this disease, my life would be great”.

For these Type V, there is always a reason why they did not get something and it was due to their own bad luck and there was nothing they could do about it (or at least they thought). Interestingly they may not have this attitude in all areas of their life, just in the areas they appear to have been unsuccessful in achieving their desires.

Then, there is the Type H, which are the ‘Heroes’. Type H are the masters of their own destiny. They are often very positive and successful in business and in life. They are happier (or at least appear to be), because no matter what disaster, tragedy or illness happens to them and knocks them down for a period of time, they find a way to bounce back.

They also get along better with others and do the best with whatever God has given them. These people aren’t better looking, they don’t necessarily have more money nor were they’re the best academically. They believed in how well they were, even when they were sick.

They just made the most of what they had, they believed in going out and getting what they wanted in life, despite the odds and making their business successful, no matter how dumb, ugly or ignorant the world thought they were.

I admired the Type H people. They were still human, and had the usual flaws of being perfectly human. And they are times when they got depressed and defeated through life’s challenges, but they have heart, and they are persistent in getting to their goals, especially if their goal is as simple as daily happiness.

Now I know that this may seem a little judgmental or even controversial, however it is just my own observation of people having worked across many careers, countries, cultures and organisations.

But here’s the secret…..

Being Type V or Type H is a choice.

We are not born this way nor were we made this way.

At some point in life, and in some areas of our life, we chose to be either Type V or Type H. And we can change at any time……

So, which one you rather be?

Have you met anyone with “if only I had…..”syndrome?

7 Positive tips on How to deal with Negative people

Every person radiates energy and your own personal energy is influenced by those around you. Certain people give off positive energy while others give off negative energy – when you spend time with negative people, your own thoughts and emotions slowly become negative and toxic.  On the flipside, spending time with cheerful, optimistic people can help you laugh, feel upbeat and exuberant.

Have you ever noticed that you attract people with similar energy to your own? They say ‘misery loves company’ and so at any particular point in time, if you are feeling negative you are more likely to attract the same, even though this is not necessarily the best solution for you.

According to personal development guru the late Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is why we need to actively manage our social circle, as not everyone you meet will be an appropriate match for where you want to get to in your life.

Remember life will always throw us people that challenge us and people that support us, almost always in a 50-50 ratio. Both sides however are always there to test and evolve us.

However, we can raise our vibrations ourselves as we evolve over the long term. Here are a few practical ways in which you can deal with daily situations or people that may be negatively affect your energy field:

1.   Change the topic

Negative people tend to dwell on everything that is wrong with the world and completely ignore the positive aspects of a situation. They can also exaggerate issues and make their predicament seem a lot worse than it actually is.

In such as situation, avoid engaging in the negativity. Make them realise that everyone on the planet is given a half a glass, and it is up to us if we wan’t to look at it as a glass half empty, or a glass half full. Switching the conversation to a more positive tone, highlighting positive aspects or changing the topic altogether can help in the short term.

When the conversation changes, be sure to affirm and respond with enthusiasm whenever the person is being positive. Ultimately, an individual who has a repeatedly negative view on things has an underlying energetic disruption requiring attention.

2.   Meditate

As mentioned earlier, meditation will help you centre your mind so you do not dwell on the negative thoughts or ideas that may have been introduced while spending time with a negative person. It will help restore balance in your energy field; the more often you meditate, the more balanced you will be

3.   Relinquish your ego

Always remember that negative people also serve a purpose in your life – they are meant to evolve you so you can be a better person.

Negative people are often very critical of those around them, and you may find yourself on the receiving end of their criticism. Unwarranted criticism is an indication of the person’s personal issues, they are often more angry of their inner selves, which has nothing to do with you.

Don’t let hurtful comments get under your skin – that is your ego being hurt and not you true inner self. Your inner, authentic self is a soul of beauty and it is untouchable, no matter what happens in the world. Relinquish your true enemy, which is you ego in such circumstances as I did in openly declaring my own personal ‘flaws’.

You’ll be surprised that people don’t really care what your ‘flaws’ are because deep down, theirs are just as real. You will live so much lighter afterward and be able to accomplish anything you want with greater ease and flow.

4.   Practice Gratitude

When the negative person is a loved one, it is important to remind yourself that he or she loves you despite the criticism. Be grateful for things and people you do enjoy having in your life, no matter how insignificant that may seem.

Some people write a Gratitude List, that is a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life, no matter how small it may be, like a supportive friend or even a favourite inspiring quote you just read. Once you add up your list, you will find everything balances off and your energy shifts.

In the follow up book to The Secret, Rhonda Byrnes suggests using a Gratitude Rock. I occasionally use this tip before going to bed, where I hold on to a random rock I picked up near Bondi Beach and think of the one thing I am most grateful for in the day. This exercise reinforces our thoughts to shift to every positive experience in the day and shifts our programming to further manifest our desires.

5.   Suggest action

Since the focus of any argumentative scenario is often on negative aspects of a situation, your role is to play the objective party. Provide workable solutions to the person and later ask whether he or she followed through on the solutions you came up with as this may help the person come to terms with his or her own negativity.

Sometimes you will find that despite solving the problem, the person continues to be despondent. Keep reminding them of their victories, successes and achievements, no matter how small or large they may appear.

6.   Move away

To the extent possible, avoid people that drain your energy. This does not mean that they do not deserve your love, but sometimes you need to have time out to find your own positivity and build immunity toward their negative energy.

As your body’s energy system reaches higher levels of vibration in your personal growth, you can become a source of strength to others. On occasion, it is perfectly acceptable to put that particular relationship on the back burner or let it fade altogether, to enhance your own life.

Do this only after consulting dependable people or seek professional advice.

7.   Rebalance your own energy

If all else fails, rebalancing your own energy with energy techniques can help you eliminate the negative energy you absorb from those around you.

When your spouse, parent or child is a negative person, it can be very difficult to be completely immune of his or her negative energy. As such regular balancing of your chakras and field helps you release the negative emotions you may feel, allowing more positive energy to flow into your life.

How do you deal with negative people in your life?